


i n f a m y

by dearg0d



Series: nine lives [4]
Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Fluff, I love cliches and drama xoxo, I made it angsty, Love Confessions, M/M, Stenbrough, The Losers Club, bill and stan make a sex tape and, hints of reddie bc this is me and when do I not, with some fluff for good measure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-06-07 01:01:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15207383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dearg0d/pseuds/dearg0d
Summary: In which Stanley Uris realises it's hard to repress your feelings for someone if there's a video of them fucking you on the internet.-An entirely self indulgent fic I wrote on a plane after listening to Infinity on High on repeat.





	i n f a m y

**Author's Note:**

> a one shot I splurged out, based almost entirely off of the song 'fame infamy' by fob, go check it if you don't already know it because it's a BOP
> 
> anyways, this was just a bit of a joke, and I'm moderately pleased with how it turned out.

It did not come as a shock to anyone when Big Bill Denbrough became a best-selling author. His loyal friends, the losers, had watched him rise to fame from a distance, overwhelmingly proud of their friend. 

He was loved by millions, viewed much more highly than your average author, and critics considered even his weaker works to be literary masterpieces. It was easy to see why and how he grew to be so narcissistic, a man with an ego bigger than his bank account - which with his success was saying a _lot._

To begin with, Bill was good at keeping his high opinion of himself close to his chest, often acting humbled and laid back. In some aspects, he was. Layers down, he was still a small town boy who had worked hard to get where he was. He often visited Derry, did a lot of charity work, interacted with fans as he would have friends, and managed to still keep the same friends he’d had his entire life whilst hanging out with Hollywood A-listers, who lined up to star in adaptations of his work. 

Some people saw Bill Denbrough for what he was: another big-headed, money hungry celebrity. He despised that his facade didn’t fool everyone, and eventually gave it up completely, much to the disappointment of his fans and friends. 

Bill didn’t dwell though, he was still a best seller and the money kept coming in. He found it hard to be down when he had so much money, and money that he did a lot of good with. 

Despite all of that, he was still a loser at heart. And he still adored the losers with every spec of his being. They weren’t as close as they had been during their teenage years, schedules, lifestyles and priorities all changing too much for constant contact to be easy or entirely manageable. They had expected that though, and maintained as much contact as possible, made easier with technology and social media. The group often engaged in Skype calls and had group chats on any social media platform with the option to. 

It was easy to keep up with Bill, his name was everywhere. It came with fame, having his personal life plastered across the internet and magazines everywhere. Bill, surprisingly enough, didn’t seem to care. And that was how the losers knew he had changed. They should have expected it, but they didn’t.

He had made quite the name for himself as an unbelievably skilled and respected author, but the more well known his name became, the more well known his controversial antics became. 

Bill Denbrough was openly bisexual, for one, and upon finding out the media acted like he’d just informed them he knew the cure for cancer. He lost fans, but he mostly gained them. When he had come out in the late nineties, he had done so to draw more attention to himself - and it worked. People talked about it, not quite to the degree of the real LGBT icons of the time such as Ellen, but it was still a shock, and still a story for those slimy journalists. He didn't care what the world thought of his sexual orientation, didn't even care if they knew, but there was a hell of a lot of satisfaction watching his sales rise after the announcement. 

His second controversy came in his late twenties, when Bill was caught dabbling with cocaine with some strippers and a friend in a Hollywood nightclub. He didn't dabble with drugs all that often, but he was falling so hard into the world of fame and fortune that it seemed necessary to play the part right. He was arrested, but his big shot lawyer and childhood best friend, Eddie Kaspbrak, got the charges dropped. Bill wasn't the only loser fucking good at his job. 

The drug scandal reoccured later that same year, when someone photographed him with a joint in hand and the world went ape shit once again. Thankfully, he didn't need a lawyer for that one. 

After that, the controversies were kept to a minimum, he changed his publicist and his lifestyle. Bill got married, and the media acted like he’d single-handedly invented romance. Bill got divorced, and the media acted like he’d single-handedly invented heart break. 

He got his own talk show, after that. Not the typical talk show by any means, Bill didn't sit and crack jokes with Hollywood A-listers in some studio, he got into in depth conversations and reviewed books, films, music - anything he felt the need to - with Hollywood C-listers. It was an usual path for an author, but the public liked him, and he had a huge fanbase ready-made, plus, it set the show apart from the rest of those dull late night programmes. His personality was different, much more endearing, and they definitely cashed in on that stutter, almost turning into a running gag. Bill adored the attention, the fame, the money. But two seasons in the show was cancelled after Bill was caught bad mouthing half the people he worked for and with, only praising his own self and work. It was more of a loss to the studio in the long run. 

Bill Denbrough called himself the best writer of their generation. It was a comment that cost him a lot, nobody respected his confidence or his vanity, but the backlash sure knocked him down a few pegs. After that, everyone believed he had mellowed out again. He released yet another best seller, and managed to keep himself to himself. The media decided they liked him again, and all was well. 

So as you can imagine, when the world woke up to find a video of Bill Denbrough fucking the life out of his male friend, the losers club were not the only people shaken to the core. 

But maybe they were the most shaken of all, because Bill was not the only member of the losers club starring in said video. 

_“Stanley fucking Uris!”_ Richie screamed when he saw it. He and Eddie had decided to watch it together, too curious to not. They thought it would be funny, watching Bill try to fuck some young, Hollywood twink. It was not funny. Not funny at all. And Stanley was no Hollywood twink, not even close. They really hadn't thought their choice through, because the discomfort set in as soon as the video began to play. Three minutes in, Eddie thought he was scarred for life. 

“Turn it off,” Eddie snapped, slamming the laptop lid down before they could even watch the main event. The rim job was enough. Richie was moderately disturbed, and prayed to God that Bill Denbrough hadn’t ruined rim jobs for him. They were in shock, to put it simply. The boys agreed to never speak of the tape again, to pretend they’d never even watched it, and try to forget it ever happened. 

Mike had too much respect and too little care to even watch it in the first place. He didn’t know Stan had a starring role until Ben informed him that afternoon, after Beverly had convinced him to sit through it with her. He watched it through the cracks in his fingers, horrified but unable to look away. Bev pretended like she didn’t enjoy it, for everyone’s sake. Mike wasn't surprised, but he noted how out of character it was for Stan to allow something so intimate to be recorded. 

Upon more in depth consideration, none of the losers were all that surprised by Bills antics, nor Stanley’s. It was shocking to see, but mostly because it had never occurred to them in any series context beyond brief speculation or jokes. 

“It makes sense,” Mike pointed out. The five of them were on Skype, figuring if there ever was a good time for a conversation, that was it. Stan and Bill, obviously, were not invited into this conversation. They weren't talking about them behind their backs to be cruel, nothing was said with negative intention, but it felt necessary to speak about it. If possible, they would have probably invited Bill and Stan along for the discussion - they had a lot of questions, but nobody could get through to Bill at the best of times. Stan was deliberately ignoring them all, but that wasn't surprising either. And anyway, the losers weren't going to be the only people talking about it, this was the least of their worries. “Now we know why Stan always defends Bill's narcissistic bullshit.” 

“Fucking hell,” Richie scoffed, “I’d have defended his narcissistic bullshit if I knew his dick was-“ 

“Beep beep Richie,” Ben interjected, “I’ve thought too much about Bills genitals today.” He regretted letting Bev show him it, regretted peering through his hands and seeing...well, _that._ Ben didn't like porn at the best of times, porn featuring his friends was much beyond his comfort zone. 

“How did we not realise?” Eddie asked, maybe more shocked than anyone. He always prided himself on having a flawless ‘gaydar’, but it was easy to see how Stan slipped under. Eddie had never given his sex life a second thought, and assumed he was maybe asexual or just happy alone. 

“How long do you think it’s been going on for?” Beverly inquired. “It can’t have been that long, I mean, hasn’t it only been like four years since Bill split with Audra?” 

“Maybe that was why she left him,” Richie speculated, “Imagine that scandal, Big Bill and Stan the Man having the love affair of the century-“ It was nothing of the sort, but nobody knew else knew any better. It was a scandalous idea, but not one that anyone could prove was invalid. 

“Bill would never,” Mike cut in, his voice firm and certain. “Maybe it’s been on and off forever, maybe they just always repressed it, and now...” He didn’t need to explain further, it was quite clear where the sentence had been going. To say that Bill and Stan were embracing their feelings for one another was a bit of an understatement. 

“We’d have noticed,” Eddie countered, much to sure of himself. 

“But we didn’t," Bev sighed. 

“I mean, I knew Stan was gay, and Bill-“ Mike was interrupted. 

“Stan’s _gay_ ?” Richie scoffed. The others stared at him blankly through their screens, unsure how that was a shock. Richie continued, “I mean, obviously he’s into cock - men - Bill - but wasn’t he fucking that Jewish girl? He’s never come out, he’s never said gay, I just can’t see it. Maybe he’s pan or-“

“Gay,” Mike insisted, “Stan told me years ago. We went for a drink and he introduced me to this guy he’d been seeing, Tom, I think, and-“ _Oh._

Mike thought back to that day, maybe six or so years ago. Bill was married at that point, if his memory served him correctly, or at least in deep with Audra. They had met up in a local bar, local for Stan, not Mike, who still lived in Derry running the library. 

Stan had been sat alone, and they had conversed for an hour or so before Stan had said he had a friend coming, a friend he wanted Mike to meet. The way he had said the word 'friend' told him everything he needed to know about the nature of their relationship. Mike couldn’t have cared less, it was no shock. 

The man, Tom, was nice enough. Mike recalled that he was tall and lanky, deep brown hair and a nose stud. He didn’t remember his eyes, or his smile or his voice. He remembered the way he dressed, much too casual, like he was about to go skate boarding or have a joint in some vacant car park. He was wearing black jorts with a chain on, and Mike remembered, upon consideration, how much Tom reminded him of Bill. 

“What?” Beverly quizzed, “Mike? What? When did he-“ They were all confused, anticipation building as Mike sat silent, his mouth hanging open as he pieced it all together. 

“Stan, he...” Mike thought about the way Stan always refused to talk about Audra, forever changing topic or avoiding the conversation. He didn’t even go to the wedding - business apparently. “I think, Stan always loved Bill.” 

“The wedding,” Ben gasped, catching on. “But what about the girl he was seeing - and that Tom guy?” Tom hadn't lasted more than three months. Stan grew bored of him, as he did with most of his lovers after so long. He was nice enough, funny, and good enough in bed, but the edginess was a little much for Stan, who was about as edgy as a 2D circle. They were destined to fail, Tom was much too like Bill, yet nowhere near enough like Bill. 

Stanley didn't want someone _like_ Bill, he wanted _the_ Bill. 

“Tom looked like Bill,” Mike told them, “I remember now - it was uncanny. I said something to Stan and he just...” He got embarrassed, he got defensive, he got snappy. He did not like that comment, not one bit. “He laughed it off. They didn’t last anyway, obviously. And his girlfriend, wasn’t that just a college thing?” 

“She was called Patty,” Eddie said, “I remember. He said she was boring.” He had lied. Stanley couldn't truthfully say a single bad thing about Patricia. She was just female, and he quickly learned that he wasn't into that. 

“I’m just offended Staniel never told me he swings for my side,” Richie huffed.

“Phrasing, Rich,” Beverly said, chuckling. “I think we need to talk to them. Stan is going to be mortified.” And holy shit, he was.

-

Stanley was at work when he found out. 

It all happened in the space of ten minutes, beginning with a collection of peculiar texts from his friends. Not the losers, his other friends, the ones he hung out with for convenience above anything else. He got a few **'What the fuck Stan?'** texts, followed by another from his current fuck, a young receptionist about as boring as his job. The guy was tolerable enough, but Stan only bothered with him for the sake of a good fuck. Bill knew Stanley saw other people, but they weren't a couple, so he never called him on it, as much as it bothered him to think about, he knew it was hardly his place when he sometimes took off for a month at a time - and it was his choice to not see anybody else. Stanley's current fuck had sent him a very abusive text, calling him a variety of names, most strangely a ‘porn star’ and ending their fling. Stanley wasn’t disappointed, simply confused. He hadn’t done anything, and even if he had, they weren’t a couple - he had no obligations. It was peculiar to say the least, and panic set in quite quickly. 

It took two minutes on google to figure it out. A rushed Buzzfeed article appeared on his suggested, **“Bill Denbrough sex tape scandal.”** It was all he needed to see. 

He took a minute, deep breaths to soothe his racing mind, before he braved clicking it. The article included a link. A fucking _link._ And went into detail about how sexy the video was, and how lucky the mystery man getting fucked was. 

Stan felt himself shatter. He wanted, more than anything, to spontaneously combust. 

Sadly, he did not. Instead he clicked the link, which took him to a gay porn site that he had most _definitely_ never ventured onto before, and pressed play. He recalled making the video, obviously. It had been his own idea, and in the privacy of his own four walls he enjoyed watching it. Knowing that the world could also enjoy it kind of took away that joy. He shut the tab as quickly as he could, then cleared his history to be safe. He felt dirty, disgusting, and he could feel his face burning red as he stared at the screen. He blinked back tears.

More articles. More links. It was everywhere. Stanley knew it was only a matter of time before other people saw, and his heart sank. He dialled Bills number, knowing his was the only voice that could comfort him in that moment. He hoped Bill would feel just as embarrassed as him, just as inconsolable. When Bill didn’t answer, Stanley began to panic even more. He always answered to Stan, no matter what. Bill never ignored him, and Stanley was almost certain that he definitely would not have done so in that moment, not when Stan needed him so bad. 

He had never felt so much all at once. There was anger, because someone had violated their privacy. There was humiliation, because he didn’t want anyone but Bill to see him in such a compromising position. There was sadness, because he was going to face so much judgement. There was panic, because how the fuck was he supposed to deal with that? And there was sickness. 

Stanley ran through the office, feeling eyes fixing onto him as he fled. He didn’t know if they’d seen or heard, or if he just looked peculiar running across the office like that, but it only increased his anxiety. He threw up in the men’s room, then took a deep breath, trying to remain composed. He didn’t think he had any more dignity left to lose. 

But then his boss called him, and he wondered if that was the end for him. He ignored the call, knowing that John wasn’t in the office that day. He was the highest up in the company besides John, and detested the big time accountancy firm he had spent so long working for. But he was respected, he was liked, he was taken seriously. 

Stan knew none of that stood as fact anymore. Once everyone heard about the video, he'd become a laughing stock. There was no coming back from that, either, it wasn't going to blow over like some stupid embarrassing photograph or a humiliating episode on a staff night out. A small part of him hoped that nobody else would discover the video - to his knowledge, nobody he worked with even gave a fuck about Bill Denbrough. That hope was shattered two minutes later, when one of the temps wolf whistled as he walked back into his office. Stanley did a U-turn and walked straight out of the building. 

He didn’t know what was going to happen from there on, he just knew he couldn’t bare going back in there for a long fucking time. 

Instead, he went home. He kept calling Bill, who failed to respond everything time, and crawled into bed, sobbing and wallowing in self pity. If ever self pity was justified, Stanley figured it was there and then. Or maybe not, maybe he only had himself to blame for making the stupid video to begin with. They knew the risks, he supposed, but that didn't make it any easier to deal with. His phone would buzz every now and then, alerting him that yet another important person in his life had heard about his dirty little sex tape. Every text, (and there were a lot) went ignored. 

He received four phone calls. The first, thank fuck, was from Bill. He didn’t speak for long. First, he apologised for being away all day - he had been in contact with an old friend, who had spent all morning tracking where the video had come from. The entire time he sounded panicked and busy, but told Stan to go and see him that evening, and that everything would be okay. Stanley didn’t believe him. 

Stanley got to see Bill fairly often, but the drive down to his took a fair while, so they rarely just went to see each other for a quick catch up or a drink. When they made plans, it was always an overnight stay, or more often than not a little longer. And it wasn't just for sex, sometimes Stanley went down and they'd spend the night binge-watching bad films and cuddling until one of them dropped to sleep. Sometimes they went on unofficial dates and got smashed, crashing before they could even get to bang. Sometimes, Bill preferred nights like that, the ones that didn't leave him feel a little bit used. 

The second phone call was from Mike, who offered him words of comfort as well as the information that the losers club, excluding himself, had all seen the clip. Of all the losers, excluding Bill, Mike was the one that Stanley had maintained the strongest friendship with. He was still in Derry, and Stan often found himself there visiting his parents, but mostly as an excuse to see Mike. He was the kindest soul Stanley knew, and his words did make a difference. He felt calmer when the conversation was done, like a small weight was off his shoulders. 

The weight returned only an hour later, his third phone call. His Mother. Stanley threw the phone across the room. Nothing in the world could have made him pick up that call. She would never have watched the video properly, but the fact she knew at all made him feel sick to his stomach. He had spent so long, done so much, worked so hard to make his parents proud. And they were! They didn’t mind that he was gay, and they respected his choice to remain single, all because he was so successful. The sun shined out of his asshole to them, he could do no wrong. Now, his ‘wrong’ was on display to the world. They were going to be disgustingly ashamed of him. 

Stanley couldn’t face speaking to his family, nor his boss who had given up calling, but left a series of serious texts. It was too humiliating, and Stanley didn’t know how he was supposed to deal with that. 

The forth call came from Beverly. He almost didn’t pick up, but the silence was almost worse than the conversation. 

“Stanley Uris I am never going to look at you the same again,” Beverly said, howling down the phone to him. Stanley was so fucking close to hanging up, but he couldn’t bring himself to. He had too much pride, pride that was intensely damaged by the release of his home video, but pride all the same. And her laughter, as always, was partially comforting. “I'm impressed. You’ve definitely taken some poundings before!” 

“Fucking obviously Bev,” Stanley said, with way more confidence that he should have had. But it was obvious, in the video he appeared to be both skilled and experienced. And he was. Especially with Bill Denbrough. 

“Had you down as a top,” Bev told him, “I’m shocked.” She was being lighthearted about it, for his sake. In reality, she was brimming with questions and comments far more serious than those she was presenting, but it was too soon. 

“Is that what you’re shocked about?” Stan quizzed, “Of all the things, you’re shocked that I was the one getting railed?” He hope he didn’t sound as angry as he felt, because he knew it was unfair to direct that at anyone but the media. And whichever bastard leaked the video. 

“Well, yeah,” Bev said. She wasn’t shocked that Stanley was into men, in fact, that idea had occurred to her a long time ago. He didn’t do a great deal to hide it, he just didn’t feel the need to go round telling everyone. He hadn’t wanted to make a big deal or anything. The fact him and Bill were involved was hardly a shock either, not when she thought back to the earlier conversation with the losers. In hindsight, they’d been pining over each other before they even knew what queer was. And a sex tape? Who didn’t have one these days? That wasn’t shocking at all. “I’m shocked you’re a bottom. Especially with that package-“ 

“Bev!” Stan interjected, but he was laughing. It felt almost good to laugh, but it didn’t shake the overwhelming feeling that he was well and truly ruined. “I don’t think I can ever leave the house again.”

“You’re dealing with this well,” Bev said, with a more serious nature present in her tone, “I’m proud of you, because I’d be in bits. Is Bill coping okay?” 

“I think so,” Stanley replied, ignoring her compliments, “I haven’t spoken to him properly, he said he was too busy and- well, doesn’t matter, I’m going to see him tonight. Talk things over.” 

“Things?” Beverly questioned. None of the other losers had a fucking clue that Bill and Stan had even kissed before today, they could barely comprehend how absurd it was that they had in fact fucked for a camera. The nature of their relationship was undoubtedly going to be called into question by a fucking lot of people, which wasn’t going to be easy considering neither of them really understood it themselves. 

“Everything,” Stan summarised. 

-

When he arrived at Bills house that night, Bill seemed strangely calm. 

“Hey love,” Bill called to him upon hearing the front door open. He knew it would be Stanley, nobody else came to visit those days. “You’ll n-n-never guess what!” 

“Our sex tape mysteriously leaked onto the World Wide Web and half the world are gonna get to see you ram me?” Stanley deadpanned. Bill half wanted to laugh, but something told him that would be unwise. 

Stan seemed angry, which was beyond reasonable. That video, and the many alike, were for their eyes only. How someone else had gotten hold of one, Stanley did not know. And humiliation like that was overwhelming, anger was a very rational reaction. 

“Wrong topic,” Bill said, “But yeah, that too.” 

“What the fuck, Bill?” 

“My new book comes out in three days,” Bill said, “And I’ve just finished the sequel to-“ 

“Do you think I give a fuck about that right now?” Stan spat, more shocked than he had been all day - somehow. “There’s a video of us having sex on the internet, Bill. My family could see that, my boss will definitely see that, and our friends have already seen that. The last thing I want to hear about right now is how fucking well your career is going! Give it a fucking rest!” 

Bill was stunned into silence. 

Stanley continued, “I’m really glad you’re about to make another few million, Bill, but I might just be about to lose everything, so I’m sorry if I lack enthusiasm.” 

“Everything?” Bill seemed confused. “It’s n-n-not that b-b-big of a deal. You’re face is hardly even in it-“

“But it’s still my fucking face!” 

“Nobody even knows who you are,” Bill said. He was trying to comfort him, trying to remind him that this wasn’t a big deal because he wasn’t the A-list author. Stanley didn’t take kindly. “They’re all just laughing at me, not you.”

“Don’t act like this isn’t as bad for me,” Stan yelled. He was stood in the doorway of Bills office, half tempted to turn around and walk out. Bill wasn’t being as understanding as he had expected. “I’m humiliated too. And I can’t risk everything like you can, you don’t need a stable income or a spotless reputation, I fucking do.” 

“Well, y-y-you don’t,” Bill countered. He stood up, closing his laptop lid and walking over to Stanley, who took a defensive step back. “That’s your choice. That’s always b-been your choice.” 

“What do you mean?” Stan felt himself calming, Bill resting his hand on the side of his face and running his thumb along his cheek. He wanted to slap the hand away, but as always felt himself melting into the touch. “I’ve never had another choice, Bill.” 

“You’ve always had a-another ch-choice,” Bill said, his voice soft and small. Stanley held his hand to the side of his and closed his eyes, refusing to make eye contact. 

The thing was, he knew Bill was right. The other choice had always been there, barely spoken about but forever on his mind. Four times. Four choices. But an never ending offer. 

Bill and Stanley had been in love with each other for most of their lives. They spent their teenage years pining after each other, and at sixteen finally acting upon the feelings they barely understood. They never classified it as a relationship, that felt too much, too formal. And they didn’t think the others would approve, despite how accepting they all were, nobody had ever really talked about the gays before. But nobody denied it when the bullies screamed it at them. 

The hooking up was where it stopped during their teenage years, hot heavy necking in the privacy of the men’s locker room, rolling around in the back seats of Bills car, holding back words like ‘I love you’ as they’d hold each other under the stars on those summer nights. It was so soft, so perfect. Bill thought about it far too much. 

When college inevitably came around, Bill asked Stanley to come with him. Begged even, and his heart broke when the other boy told him that he didn’t want to follow him like that. Stan was too focused on his own career, on building something new, on pleasing his parents. It killed him to say no, though. 

When they finished college, met up post-graduation, Bill kissed him again, for the first time in three years. He still loved him. Stanley felt the same, but when the eventually pulled away from each other, Stan declined Bills offer to go home with him. He feared that if he went, he would never go home. Bills heart shattered again, and he lost all hope as he watched Stanley get into his own car, drive away without even looking back. Stanley had been crying, he couldn’t bare looking back. He knew if he turned around, saw Bills hopeful eyes, that he’d crumble and give in. 

The third time Stanley made the choice came before Bills wedding. He had hurt when he found out about Audra, but he didn’t blame Bill for finding someone else. Stan could have too if he tried, but he never wanted that, entirely career focused despite how much he hated his job. Naturally, when the wedding invite came through, Stan wanted to say no. 

He didn’t. For the losers sake, above anything. Attending the bachelor party was the dramatic mistake he made. Stanley got wrecked, far too drunk to think rationally, but it was the only way he thought he could cope with everything. He and Bill were the last ones standing, sat alone in the living room of Bills penthouse, just a fraction too close. Stan kissed him first that time, desperate and heated. Bill kissed him back for only a minute. 

“I can’t ch-cheat on Audra,” Bill had said, holding back tears and holding Stans face, “But s-say the word and I’ll leave her for you.” Stanley couldn’t believe what he had heard, and it took everything in him to resist saying what he needed to say. He didn’t want to be that person, didn’t want to come between Bill and a woman he loved. It was enough for him knowing that Bill still cared enough to be willing to do that. He didn’t attend the wedding in the end. Business trip, he had lied. 

The forth time Stanley Uris said no to Bill Denbrough, had been five years ago. It was straight after Bills divorce, which came after one year of marriage as a result of how little attention and love he was giving her, countless arguments surrounding children and how intolerably vain he had become, among other things. Audra left him, a choice she never once regretted. 

Only a month later, Stanley Uris turned up at his door step after a string of desperate texts from Bill. They fucked for the time in their life, and did so as awkwardly as horny, lust-driven teenagers, as if they were sixteen and desperate all over again. Stan was experienced enough, spending more than a few of his lonely nights in bed with men, most of which were tall and slim with piercing blue eyes and deep, brown hair. He had a type. Bill, on the other hand, had only been intimate with women, and lasted all of five minutes inside of his lover. 

Bill had asked Stanley to stay with him. Begged him, pleaded. He didn’t mean for the night, they had both known that, he had meant for life. He wanted it more than anything, and always had. Always would. 

It had killed Stanley to say no, but it wasn’t the first time he had broke his own heart, in fact he was almost used to it. He was forever refusing himself the things he wanted most, that time was no exception. He told Bill that he couldn’t, he had his work, he had his apartment and an endless list of responsibility. It wasn’t as simple as Bill was assuming it to be. 

They continued seeing each other, in secret, which was a mutual decision and a mutual regret. It was always on Stanley’s terms, always him calling the shots and it had felt good to have control over something. Bill didn’t mind, but every time he watched Stan go he hurt a little bit inside. Waking up alone after Stan would stay for a week made his heart ache to a beyond painful degree. And it hurt Stan to leave. 

But that, for some fucking reason, was his choice. Always. 

“Bill...” Stanley didn’t know what to say. He could hardly deny the fact he’d had the other option. At any point during their lives, he could have turned around, said the word, and Bill would have dropped it all for him. 

The truth was, Stanley was afraid. Always had been. When he was a confused, scared teenager he didn’t want to come out. He had done since, and his parents took the news gracefully. When Stanley was a career focused young adult, he didn’t want to rely on anyone else and he was afraid of losing what he had built for himself. Now, he had probably lost it all anyway. And when Stanley rejected the offer five years ago, he had been afraid that Bill was the egotistical prick everyone claimed. Now, he didn’t care all that much how highly Bill thought of himself. Bill would always think higher of Stanley. 

In reality, every fear Stanley had could be conquered. And he knew it would be worth it to spend his forever with Bill. 

“You could quit your job,” Bill said, “You can move in here. Or w-w-we could move out, find a place we love in the city. Imagine it, Stan-“ The desperation and hope was bleeding out in his voice. It made Stanley ache, mostly because he wanted all of that too. He’d spent most of his life daydreaming about it, promising himself it could only ever be a daydream. Bill spent almost every waking moment thinking of it, yearning at the thought of finally being with Stan. 

“You’re being delusional,” Stanley cut in. It was venomous, and said out of nothing but rage. Not rage at Bill, rage from regret, rage from his frustration with himself more than anything else. He regretted it as soon as he saw the look on Bills face. “I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry. I-“

“You d-did mean it,” Bill said, all emotion suddenly drained from his voice. There was hurt there, if you knew what to listen for. “I-I-I-If you don’t w-w-want to be with me, juh-just fuh-fucking say it.” 

Stanley had never said that before. They had never boiled their relationship down, never declared themselves a couple or friends with benefits or anything of the sort. They were just Stan and Bill, their own thing. Not boyfriends, not friends, some toxic purgatory in between. Fucked, but only because they both desired so much more. 

“I do want to be with you,” Stanley confessed, and it sounded perfect. Music to Bills ears, but he knew that this was Stan, and it could never be that easy with him. Stan wanting to be with him did not mean the same as Bill wanting to be with Stan.

"Then why aren't you?" There was no complexity to the question, but the answer was either going to be dishonest or loaded, and Stanley didn't know which route to go for. He didn't like lying to Bill, but it was easy when it allowed him to lie to himself as well. 

"Because-" Because the thought of making everything official was too much for him to bare. Because he had never relied on anybody else before and was afraid it wouldn't work for him. Because he didn't want to run the risk of giving Bill everything only to lose it. Because he was ashamed. Because people would think he was gold-digging. Because Bill could do better. Because Stanley was in a state of life-ruining denial. "Because it was just sex." 

Bill knew that hearts couldn't physically break, but in that moment he was quite certain that his own had just been ripped in half. 

"Was it?" He shot back, his voice failing to conceal any of his emotion. Stan regretted his choice instantly. He regretted a lot of his choices. "Was it juh-just sex, Stan? Is th-th-that all we eh-ever were? Because it wasn't that when we were sixteen and you fuh-fucking _cried_ because you were so happy I kissed you. It wasn't that when you sat in my lap for six hours wah-watching birds instead of g-going to school b-because you were scared Bowers was gonna beat your ass. It wasn't that when I was one woh-woh-word away from transferring coh-colleges to be with you. It wasn't that when you kissed me three _fucking_ days before my wedding. It wasn't that five years ago when you drove here in the mih-middle of the night to hold me because I was alone. It wasn't that. It was _n-never ever that to me._ Just seh-sex is an insulting way to put everything we've had. And if you're so woh-worried about y-y-your fucking dah-dazzling reputation, it's gonna look a lot worse when you tell all your co-workers and friends that the guy you're getting fuh-fucked by online is _just_ someone you fuck." 

Bill didn't know when it had begun, but by the time he was finished, he realised that Stanley was crying. Despite the deplorable amount of pain Bill was in, he couldn't bare it - torn between pulling him into an embrace or turning his back. He did the former, kneeling to weakness and pulling Stanley into a warm hug. Stanley caved into the contact, sobbing and trying to muffle the sound into Bill's neck. 

"I'm sorry-" Stanley meant it. "I'm so-" 

"Don't," Bill said, soft but firm. "Please, don't." Stan stepped back, wiping his eyes with the back of his sleeve. He hated crying, it was a rare occasion for him to actually do it, especially in front of someone else. 

"I have to," Stanley insisted, taking another step back, "You're right. You're completely right, this was never just sex, I just- the idea of anything more fucking _scares_ me, Bill. I've never had that, and I don't want to be another fucking Audra, I want this to work-" 

"Stan," Bill interjected, "Y-You were hah-half the reason she left-" 

"Bullshit-" 

"I-I-I-I told her about th-the kiss," He confessed, "I-I-I felt t-too guilty, and then I kind of had to tell her th-the rest of it and sh-she was fine with it at first, thanked me for being honest a-and then when we st-started fighting she got obsessed with, was convinced I still loved you-" 

"Still?" Stan cut in, eyes wide with a mixture of shock and hope. Bill froze, upon realising his mistake. For the first time in his life, words failing him. "You were in love with me?" He asked it as if it hadn't been obvious, as if their entire existences hadn't revolved around trying keep themselves away from each other and then running back at the first chance life gave them. He asked as if Bill hadn't given him every reason in the world to believe it to be true. There should have been no shock there, and it implanted more than a healthy amount of doubt in Bill's mind about whether that feeling was requited. 

But there sex tape had just leaked. Stanley was furious and afraid and probably one bad line away from walking out for good. So Bill thought _fuck it._

"I was," Bill whispered, "And I still am." The pause was torturous, made worth it by the feeling of Stan's lips on his only a second later, pressing against Bill with his entire weight. Bill backed up to the wall, holding Stan's face to guide him along. The kiss said those three words back, Stanley didn't need to, but he did anyway, whispering it into Bill's neck over and over again, fascinated by the sound. 

"I am so in love with you," Stan concluded, tears in his eyes again. Bill found himself _laughing_ at the revelation, and Stan joined in. It was exhilarating, liberating even, to finally get to say it - not that anyone other than themselves had ever tried to stop them. It felt like a weight off Stan's shoulders, he had finally given in to himself. "I should have said it five years ago." 

"Yeah," Bill said, fucking beaming, "You sh-should have." But he was smiling. It was a quick turn of events, overwhelming to say the least. He gave Stan another quick kiss, but Stan didn't lean into it, instead taking a step back - smile dropping. 

"Romantics aside," Stan huffed, running a hand through his hair, "We- There's a lot to talk about, Bill. How the fuck did that video get out?" He didn't want to think it was Bill, but in the back of his mind the thought was looming there, wondering if maybe another publicity stunt had been pulled for the release of his new novel. It made sense, in his mind, but it wasn't something he wanted to put thought into, he trusted Bill too much to disrespect him like that. 

"I-I-I th-think I know," Bill mumbled, looking down as if embarrassed. Stan frowned. "I-I-I sp-spent today trying to tr-trace the source and sh-shit. I ended up calling Freddie, and he helped me out. Said that it came from here. So whoever d-did it, did it from my computer." Freddie was an old friend of Richie's from college, a tech wizard of sorts. Bill knew he was a skilled hacker, but that was a fact left out of his job description and bio. People who knew him, knew enough to know what he was capable of. All Bill really had to do was slide the guy a bit of cash, and that was easily done. 

"So," Stan said, dragging out the 'o', he paused, "It's someone who has access to your computer. Someone who's been in your house, today, right?" Stan didn't know the exact time of the upload. He'd found out that morning, but for all he knew it could've been online for a week before anyone actually realised who was in the video. 

"Last night," Bill explained, "It was uploaded last night. I-I guh-guess it didn't blow up until this morning. Victoria was here last night, we were juh-just drinking. I...I kind of let it s-slip th-that I'd made a...well- I-I said ab-about the...home movies. She asked me if I was scared oh-of th-them getting leaked, ah-and I said no, cause they're hot, buh-but I-I was joking. Before she left sh-she asked to use my bathroom and- I- I don't th-think that's what she really did when she was upstairs for twenty minutes." Stan was both horrified and relieved that they had an easy suspect, and believed Bill entirely. 

Victoria had been Bill's first publicist. She was nice enough, and they became relatively good friends, but she wasn't very good at her job. Bill was constantly introduced to bad crowds and her marketing strategies were quite controversial, with the results varying from disastrous to absolutely perfect. Victoria didn't care for creating flawless images of people, instead she always believed that controversy and attention made sales, and to some degree she had been right - it certainly helped Bill establish a name. In the end, he had fired her because of the whole drug scandal, which she insisted on milking despite Bill's humiliation. They had maintained some form of friendship though, and Stanley wasn't especially bothered about her visit to Bill's - she was a married woman with no interest in anything but making money. 

"What a _bitch_ ," Stanley spat. He stared at the computer across the room, disgusted by it. "So she only found the one video?" 

"I-I-I don't think th-they need a collection," Bill shrugged. He didn't know himself, but to be safe had deleted the rest, then emptied his trash, only somewhat sad to let them go. "She's ignored me all day, and Daisy is fucking furious-" Daisy, his new publicist, was a little more tame with her methods. She had a thing for Bill, but it was harmless, so Stan liked her. After seeing the video, the feeling was not mutual. 

"Of course she is," Stan said, "Means she knows there's no chance-" 

"Never was a chance," Bill insisted, grabbing Stan's hand. He smiled at the touch. "I know you said roh-romantics over but- I-I fucking love you." Stan giggled, a stupidly childish giggle. 

"Romantics can restart when we've solved this bullshit." It wasn't a promise, but it didn't need to be. 

"Do you want a drink?" Bill asked, letting go of his hand and walking back to the door. Stan nodded, following him through to the kitchen. "Something strong?" 

"Anything strong," Stan huffed, perching on the breakfast bar as Bill poured what looked like whiskey into two small glasses. He didn't even like the taste, but that wasn't something he cared about in that moment, anything to take the fucking knife edge off of what had happened. "I can't believe this is happening. It doesn't feel real, like, the losers have seen us-" 

"They wah-watched it?" Bill almost dropped the bottle. It was one thing knowing that everyone else was going to see it, but he had hoped that his friends would give the video a miss. Of course, as he pondered it more, he realised he shouldn't have expected any different from Richie, or maybe Beverly, who would want to see for comedic value above anything. Bill supposed if it was Richie and Eddie he'd probably find it amusing too, but it was still humiliating. 

"Everyone but Mike," Stanley informed him, equally as bitter about the idea. He didn't think he could stomach watching any of his friends like that, couldn't disrespect them in that way, but a part of him understood the curiosity, of course they'd find it shocking when they had been kept in the dark about the relationship for so long. And maybe it was funny for them, though he knew it would take a long time for him to look back on this situation and laugh at it all - if that was ever possible. 

"I'm scared my pah-parents will see it," Bill admitted, blushing, "Or Georgie. I never-" 

"My mom called me," Stan cut in, as Bill handed him his glass, "So she's definitely heard about it. I don't think I can ever face her again. My Dad will probably throw himself in front of truck if he sees anything. They're fine with the gay thing, but this..." His voice trailed off, he didn't really want to think about the damage it was going to do to his relationship with his parents, and not just them, but his entire family. Some of them didn't even know he was gay. Bill's family would be equally as traumatised, but they were used to dealing with controversies from him. It wasn't going to shock them quite as much, and he barely had a relationship with his parents anyway, so it was less of a big deal in that respect. Georgie would either be mortified or find it nothing but hilarious, and he was definitely going to enjoy ripping into Bill for it for the rest of their lives. "None of them will actually watch it, no way, but they don't need to see it to be shocked." 

"I don't care about ah-anyone else," Bill said, "It's juh-just my family, ah-and Audra." Stanley took a large gulp of the drink, that he realised was definitely some strong brand of whiskey. He hadn't considered Audra before. Bill was leaning back against the cabinets, directly in front of Stan, his eyes fixed on the floor with a dull expression. He had thought of Audra a lot that day, which was a rarity. He had loved her very much, but they were never meant to be, and they both realised that a little too late. Stan wasn't always on the back of his mind when he was with her, not until the kiss, and then he began to question everything and it all went to shit. There were always a lot of problems, but she considered Stanley a big one. 

Bill had been expecting to hear from her all day, wondering every time his phone rang if it was going to be her, sobbing down the phone about how she had been right, or alternatively a smug 'I hope you're fucking happy'. But no, nothing. He knew that she'd know, and knowing Audra would probably watch it, but to him it was strange that there was no reaction from her. Truthfully though, she just didn't care. She had moved on, entirely, and was even half-happy that he'd finally acted on everything he had always clearly felt for Stan. 

"They'll get over it," Stan sighed, figuring the same logic could be applied to his own. There was nothing more they could do, it was going to have be dealt with some way or another, and eventually they'd simply _have to_ get over it. "It's just the awkward confrontation. Like, how do I talk to them about it, I'm pretty sure my parents think I'm a thirty year old virgin. Plus, they're going to be pretty fucking confused as to why I'm in bed with my childhood friend." 

"Oh sh-sh-shit." Bill hadn't thought of that part yet. He supposed that unless they watched it, or somebody else informed them, there was no way for them to know Stan was the other person. But still, if it got back to them, that was going to raise a lot of questions. They liked Stan though, at least - Georgie especially, who had been incredibly fond of him growing up. 

"I feel like we need to apologise to the losers," Stan said, changing the line of conversation, "You know, for not telling them everything. Eddie and Richie told us in senior year and we never even...I don't know, we lied." 

"We weren't ready," Bill shrugged, "I-I d-don't think they'll gih-give a shit once the shock wears off." That was probably going to take a while, for everyone involved. 

"Maybe not." Stan took another drink before once again gearing the conversation elsewhere, "What did Daisy have to say then? How does she want you to deal with this?" 

"She wants me t-to ignore it," Bill explained, "I-I-I th-think she wants me to pr-pretend that it isn't happening and juh-just hope everyone forgets. But I don't wanna do that." It wasn't his style, never had been. Stan liked that plan though, mostly because it meant nothing changed. But then, he realised it was all going to change anyway. He was going to be with Bill now. Change was inevitable, and fully welcome. 

"Why not?" 

"I-I-I don't think it's gonna work," Bill replied, "I mean, people are goh-gonna ask about it. I can't pah-pass it off like it didn't happen, it won't ch-change the fact it has happened. I want to talk about it. And I want to prove it was Victoria th-that leaked it, we can take her to court i-if I get a good enough lawyer." 

"Do you want to do that?" Stan quizzed, "Send her to court?" Bill nodded, then placed his empty glass down on the side. 

"She's fuh-fucked with me enough," He said, "It is teh-technically against the law, what she did. I just don't know if we can prove it was her, th-they could spin it, say it was me." 

"Maybe consult a lawyer," Stan suggested. He didn't care about getting her back or making her pay for this, he just wanted it to end. He just didn't want to cringe every time he checked his phone or walked into work. He just needed the hard part to be done with. "I don't know. Maybe try to talk to her about it first." 

"First," Bill spoke as he put his glass in the dishwasher, "I need to ah-adress it publicly. Make a statement, I guess. I started writing one out th-this afternoon, so you can give it a read before I show Daisy and put it out there. I'm ha-happy with it though." 

"I guess that's one thing done," Stan said, "There isn't much we can do though, is there? It's done, it's out there. The world can watch us fuck." It wasn't like the video could be taken down, they both knew better than that, even if the original got removed from whatever website it was on, there were going to be downloads of it, thousands no doubt. There was no getting rid of it. 

"At least we g-gave them a good show." Bill was smirking, Stanley always found it infectious. "Wasn't our beh-best video." 

"They didn't deserve that," Stanley chuckled, hopping down from the counter. Bill grinned at him and opened his arms out, Stanley went into them, leaving his glass on the counter top. "No more videos though. I don't think I ever want to see a fucking camcorder again." He could feel Bill laughing into his neck. 

"That's fair," Bill said, "Are you st-staying?" He hadn't been sure Stan would want to, knowing that their conversation could have gone either way, and he tried not to get his hopes up. After the previous revelation though, he was pretty hopeful. He didn't ever want Stan to leave again. 

"If that's okay," Stan replied, his voice small, he pulled out of the hug but left his hands gripping the back of Bill's shirt, simply leaning back to hold eye contact. 

"It's more than okay." 

"I don't just mean for tonight," Stan told him, his voice shaking as he spoke. "Bill...I mean forever." 

Bill Denbrough didn't cry. Not over his hamsters death when he was fourteen. Not over his Grandpa's death when he was twenty. Not when his first book got published. Not when Georgie graduated from college. Barely when Audra left. And not even a little bit when his sex tape got leaked online. But at that moment, Bill welled up. His heart was burning with a joy he hadn't felt in a long, long time, and he didn't know how else to deal with it. He was crying. 

"More than okay," He repeated, pulling Stanley back into a tight embrace. "So, so s-so much more th-than okay." He was laughing, and Stanley joined in, wrapping his legs around Bill's waist. Bill began to twirl round, giggling into Stan's chest. 

"You'll drop me," Stan exclaimed, clinging, "Bill! Fucking- Bill! Put me down!" But he was still laughing, half hoping Bill would know better than to actually put him down. And he did, obviously, instead trying to run through the house backwards, his head twisted awkwardly so he could vaguely see where he was going. 

"Never letting you go," Bill said, awkwardly trying to hop up the stairs. Stan was laughing ridiculously loud considering the emotional rollercoaster he'd dealt with that day. "Never ever, ever, ever-" 

"If you drop me and I break my neck-" 

"Ever, ever, ever, ever-" 

"I hate you sometimes Bill Denbrough," Stan said, still smirking, but Bill made it to the top of the stairs, so he was relatively impressed. Bill kept trying with the walking backwards thing, and banged into the wrong door. "Left." 

"Ever," Bill repeated, only two seconds before dropped Stan onto his - _their_ bed. Stanley was staring up at him with a spark in his eye. "I love you." 

"You're not gonna stop saying that now, are you?" Stan asked, but it wasn't exactly a complaint. Bill shook his head, then climbed onto the bed. "Good - don't. I love you too." 

They didn't have sex, that night, not in Bill's romance-filled mind. He felt like it was truly making love, as disgustingly cliché as it sounded. He didn't even care about the tape when they were like that, completely wrapped up in their own world. And even less so after, cuddled up but unwilling to sleep. 

"What do we tell people then?" Stanley asked. He was laid on his side, one leg thrown out across Bills waist, one arm across his chest and his other tucked under him, probably numb from Bill's weight, not that he cared. "Not just the losers, but you know, our parents and stuff." 

"Just the t-truh-truth," Bill replied, his fingers running gently up Stan's arm. "That we're..." The word hadn't been used yet. 

"Together?" Stan offered. Bill nodded, smiling to himself. Together. They always had been, in their own warped way. 

"Together," He confirmed. "Boyfriends." Stan pressed a kiss to his cheek. 

"Can I read your statement now?" He asked, sitting up slightly. Bill smirked, and nodded. "Is it long?" 

"Short and s-s-s-sweet," Bill told him, "Straight to th-the p-p-point. But still maybe one of th-the best things I've ever written." Stan was intrigued, and sat up properly. He shuffled to the end of the bed, grabbing his boxers from the floor and pulling them on before standing. Bill watched, smiling because that was his _boyfriend._

"Where is it?" 

"Desk," Bill said, "The p-piece oh-of paper under m-my black pen." Stan walked over, eyeing it suspiciously. The piece of paper - under the black pen - was no more than a slither, ripped off from the corner of an A4 sheet. He picked it up, frowning at Bill. "It's good, really Bill Denbrough. Trust me, you'll l-l-like it." 

For some reason, Stan believed him. He unfolded it and gave Bill another warning look. Bill winked at him. He looked down and read the note, immediately smirking at the words. "Very Bill Denbrough. Nice one, asshole, at least you're honest." He laughed, screwed it up into a ball and threw it at Bill, not in the least bit surprised. Or disappointed. Bill wrote the truth.

**I'm alright in bed, but I'm better with a pen - BD.**

**Author's Note:**

> half tempted to do a prologue based on their history in this fic (yknow, the four choices thing), so let me know if you'd be interested in that? (high key it would definitely be better than this bullshit), but let me know what you thought of this anyway because I need validation and I love feedback of any kind so yeah, hit me w some shit to think on !!! thank u ever so much for reading.
> 
> find me on Tumblr - dearg0d


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